I read your story and my heart breaks for you. I had a miscarriage on my very first pregnancy and I understand how painful it is. Even though it happened a year ago, the "what-ifs" and "what could have been" questions still linger on - no matter how hard you try to focus on the present.
You are in such professional and expert hands with Dr Coetzee. I have not been to him but I know of alot of ladies that sing his praises. Good luck with this cycle and I pray you get your BFP soon
Hi Everyone, I'm back! 4 years + later I thought it would be helpful to provide an update for anyone searching and reading around this topic, I know I did a lot at the time and found some comfort from gaining information and reading 'success' stories (success comes in many different formats I've learned).
So, my follow up with the doc at the time left me feeling frustrated and sad. He likened my attempts to carry a successful pregnancy to 'playing the lottery' and was unwilling to do even basic investigations as to any possible reasons.
So I asked around and saw a gynae who has an interest in miscarriage, who prescribed a lot of blood tests. These were quite expensive. He also did a thorough scan and pronounced me in 'excellent' health. He said to call him the second I fell pregnant for a prescription of a cocktail of drugs to support the pregnancy, apparently he had a high success rate with this approach. So I did so, twice in the next year, and both pregnancies were lost within a week of the bfp.
By that stage I was done!!! Emotionally wrecked and not being a great mom to my two perfect boys. So I packed it in, got a full time job and put it all behind me for the whole of 2016.
Early in 2017 we relocated back to KZN from JHB, back 'home' to close family and friends. Many reasons for this, a whole new topic in fact! Anyway, I was able to work part-time and be available to my kids, with family support we've never had before. Such a happy heart!! And a new longing for our third child that never was.......funny how a women's want for a child whether it be first, second, third or fifth, doesn't fade over time. Mine got stronger! I am, however, always eternally grateful and appreciative of the two children I have and always put them first.
So in Dec 2017, my husband agreed that a new baby in the family would be a wonderful thing (we'd actually stopped using bc early in 2017), and I snuck off to Natal Fertility Clinic.
Within a week I was diagnosed with a uterine septum! Oh my goodness me. Dr Coetsee is certain that is the most likely cause of my miscarriages. It was never picked up before on all the many scans I had. He removed it surgically and pronounced me fit to conceive.
We of course have been giving it our best shot since January 2018, but no luck so far. Another visit to Dr Coetsee revealed a likely luteal phase defect, for which he's prescribed progesterone directly after ovulation (a likely cause of the last two early losses). Due to my age, and the length of time that has passed, and the fact that my husband works away from home most weeks, we are going to go ahead with 3 cycles of AI (IUI), as a last-ditch effort to have this baby before I turn 40 in October this year. That is D-day for me, and will mark the end of an era, pregnant or not. So we're on day 1 of the first AI cycle, wish me luck.
What I've learned and advice I can share:
- Miscarriage is a natural and non-preventable phenomenon a lot of the time, but sometimes there are treatable causes
- Don't stay with a doctor who doesn't listen to you, and treat your specific case
- A range of blood tests can rule out many possible issues, ask for them!
- Exploratory surgery is scary, but in my case was so quick and immediately identified a major cause of miscarriage - I waited 4 years to do this (also because I do already have kids, don't wait if it's your first). My medical aid paid for this, since it was diagnostic, and not a fertility treatment.
- Don't waste too much time at a general gynae, even if there is an interest in miscarriage, take yourself off to a proper fertility clinic, I wish I had done that much sooner - the approach at these clinics is different, and emotionally supportive.
- Fight for what you want and need. I'm only fighting hard now that time is almost up. My husband asks and demands for what he wants in life, I'm finally learning to do that too.
Shew, a long post! I wish I could have reported an actual third child, but what I can report is how this whole process has changed me. It hurt. A lot. But I survived. Here I sit today reflecting on how very hard some days were, and how life just went on regardless. I am a more patient person now, I am a more sympathetic and empathetic person now, and I treasure my two children with a deep appreciation.
I hope these rounds of IUI work, a successful pregnancy will be an absolute blessing, but I know I can survive should they fail, or should I miscarry again. And life will go on. It keeps going on no matter what day of my cycle it is, or how torturous the 2ww becomes. Now I'm trying to focus more on the life part, and less on the unpredictable outcomes of my fertility. Don't waste precious life 'time' with a lot of obsessing (wise words from a guilty party).
All the best everyone, stay strong and focus on all that's good in your life when times are tough
Me: 39 resected septum, luteal phase defect
DH: 40 all well
2005 & 2008: 2 beautiful boys, now 13 and 10yrs old
2014: 2 miscarriages, 6wks & 10wks
2015: 2 early losses
2017: no bfp, septum removed (finally some answers!)
2018: medicated cycles bfn, short luteal phase identified, IUI #1 in progress
Thank you for your 'update'. I am so glad to hear that your twins are healthy and doing well.
Ohh, that terrible two's....you get a double dose of that at one time - Good luck and it was so nice to hear from you again.
O wow, haven't been on this site in ages!!!!!
My girls are now 2 years and 8 months. They are super busy, healthy and giving new meaning to the term Terrible Two's but we are grateful and they are starting to show such interesting and unique personalities! Finally starting to feel like we are getting our lives back after 5 years of pregnancies, babies and breastfeeding!!
Would be nice to hear the other stories!!
Hi 2 boys, I am so sorry to hear what happened... I know how it feels.
I have a 4 yr old son, and in the last two years have had 3 miscarriages between 3/6 months apart, and its heartbreaking. Last ti e my dr prescribed progesterone, which I started taking immediately when I found out I am pregnant a few weeks ago and all seems well! Going for scan tomorrow, but with the previous pregnancies by this time I had already lost the baby so I am very positive!
Maybe ask your gyn about progesterone next time? I know its hard to keep trying... thinking of you x
1st pregnancy - We had a natural birth at home with our midwife. It was a dream come true!
2nd pregnancy - 2012 Miscarriage at 12 weeks (blighted ovum)
3rd pregnancy - 2012 Miscarriage at 7 weeks
4th pregnancy - 2013 Twins Miscarriage at 6 weeks 4 days